my four gems

I got nothing. (aka merry christmas greetings)

I got nothing.  That is the title of this Christmas letter.  How many times can I tell you how awesome my kids are, how wonderful life is, how I relish the crazy, how involved we are in a variety of things, how sports consume our life, how sunny the sun shines in my area, without you starting to wonder, is she for real??? 

 Well I am.  I am real.  Here I am.  And my realness is why you are not getting a Christmas photo/letter in the mail for the second year in a row.  Because, friends, I got nothing.  Nothing to say.  It's hard.   Life that is.

  Not third world country hard.  If that is the barometer, then my life is sunshine and roses every day. Truly.  All of our lives are. 

But in this reality, I got nothing to say.  Things are hard.  And I/we are muddling through. 

I went back to work this year.  That has been hard.  My youngest struggles in school.  That has been hard.  I have an almost teenager.  That can be hard (okay, but secretly I do love it!).  My marriage is hard.  I don't like my dog.  Can you relate?  Anyone? 

So, here I am, real. 

Not sending out my pretty pictures and pretty words, because I really have nothing to say that would sound too pretty.  And that's all I wanted to say. 

Except. 

Jesus. 

 I want to say, thank you, Jesus, for being God yet deciding to come down as a lowly babe in a stinky barn.  For living a life of love and dying for me.  So that even when this life is hard, you have bigger plans for me. 

Because when I have nothing, I still have You.  And that is enough.

Be blessed with the miracle of a baby named Jesus.  Merry Christmas. 

He Loves Us So

I had a hard day.

I was trying to process some stuff from earlier in the day and went on a run. I took my itouch for music, which is unusual, I usually run without it so I can pray or just enjoy creation.  As I ran, the song Forever Reign by Hillsong came on.

As I began to listen, I was crying out to God to capture me with His presence, to fill me with His Spirit, to let me know He is here with me and I am not alone.

As the chorus began…

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

…I felt myself running faster, trying to run to Him, and suddenly the wind started blowing hard against me out of nowhere. The wind surprised me, but I leaned in to it, kept running and closed my eyes, picturing my Lord with arms open wide and me running to him. I mouthed out loud into the wind “I’m running to Jesus, satan, and you can’t stop me!” Immediately, IMMEDIATELY, --I cry now thinking of it—Immediately, the strong wind that rose up and started pushing against me stopped dead.

I kept my eyes closed and ran to Jesus outstretched arms and my body filled with chills and tears sprang to my eyes as I realized He is here with me!!! He revealed his presence to me!! He stopped the wind, removed the obstacle that made it difficult to keep running to His arms. Nothing compares to Your embrace, Light of the world FOREVER REIGN.

I couldn’t believe that I had just had a tangible encounter with God. Satan had pushed against me, rising up the wind, and God stopped it as I told satan off and kept running to His arms. Oh readers, HE IS GOOD. HE LOVES US SO, in the dark and lonely places He is tender and lets us know He hasn’t forgotten us and cares about our pain.

As if this moment didn’t nearly take my breath away, the next song came up. David Crowder’s He Loves Us. “And I realize just how wonderful You are and how great Your affections are for me. He Loves Us, Oh How He Loves Us, Oh How He Loves Us so.”

 Isaiah 26:8 Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your Truth, I wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of my heart.

Forever Reign by Hillsong:
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
 Light of the world forever reign
 My heart will sing no other Name
Jesus, Jesus.

Once upon a time...

There once was a mom who had four daughters and enjoyed staying at home for 12 grateful years. One day that mom realized that life is expensive and maybe she should contribute financially to the home,so with God's help (more like complete intervention) she landed a job in her former field of finance and now is attempting to learn how to navigate home/kids/family/life while pursuing and growing a potentially promising career. Hard. Interestingly, her sister, who enjoyed a grateful 17 years at home with her children, found herself in a similar situation, waking up one day to find herself at a desk Monday thru Friday from 8-5pm. She will be chronicling (yes i spellchecked chronicling and that is how you spell it even though it looks wierd) this transition here and this mom of GEMS will be following along to learn her tips/tricks/highs/lows of navigating this new normal. Join us. The end.